


My care is like my shadow

by DalekLetoEndeavour



Series: Que sera, sera- Sidney and Robert [4]
Category: Grantchester (TV), The Grantchester Mysteries - James Runcie
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Reunions, Reunited and It Feels So Good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28301505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DalekLetoEndeavour/pseuds/DalekLetoEndeavour
Summary: Out of the darkness in to the light ...One kiss is all it takes possibility...When Sidney awakes he finds out that the world has changed.No idea how to sum up this story without spoilers
Relationships: Sidney Chambers/Robert Kendall
Series: Que sera, sera- Sidney and Robert [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1676482
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	My care is like my shadow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [billspilledquill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/billspilledquill/gifts).



> The long awaited return to this on going story  
> A belated anniversary gift but right in time for Christmas oh well xD  
> It all started out with this ship and ended in a marvellous friendship !
> 
> Hope you enjoy this little gem full spiced with a poem romoured to be written by Queen Elizabeth the first, Dylan Thomas and some saint I borrowed the letter from cause James Norton was reading the last bit out loud.

Recap :  
_"I too am a poor wayfaring stranger. But that gives us neither the absolution to thrash a house of worship. Not even if you're part of the interior."_

_His voice had caught him off guard.  
A bit rougher than he remembered.  
Could it be Robert?  
Should it have been possible that he had survived  
No.  
It surely wasn't be Robert.  
He had stood upon his grave.  
They all had._

_Sidney turned to face the man.  
Disbelieving, walked a step backwards, shaking, eyes bewildered with questions, before stumbling, falling and smashing his head against the altar._

_Then there was darkness._   
_I grieve and dare not show my discontent;  
I love, and yet am forced to seem to hate;  
I do, yet dare not say I ever meant;  
I seem stark mute, but inwardly do prate.  
I am, and not; I freeze and yet am burned,  
Since from myself another self I turned._

_My care is like my shadow in the sun --  
Follows me flying, flies when I pursue it,  
Stands, and lies by me, doth what I have done;  
His too familiar care doth make me rue it.  
No means I find to rid him from my breast,  
Till by the end of things it be suppressed._

_Some gentler passion slide into my mind,  
For I am soft and made of melting snow;  
Or be more cruel, Love, and so be kind.  
Let me or float or sink, be high or low;  
Or let me live with some more sweet content,  
Or die, and so forget what love e'er meant._

Sidney woke in a lavender field.  
This wasn't Grantchester.  
He doubted it was even in England.  
The sun was shining bright in his eyes.  
Shielding it off with his hands he rose.  
Stumbling forward.  
The light was almost consuming him.  
There was laughter.  
The smell of gunpowder cut through the air.  
He fell.  
The ground was wet and cold. The light had faded revealing a battlefield at a grim hour of the day.  
He crawled forward before hiding behind a tree.  
Closing his eyes until a gentle breeze bearing the smell of fresh apples dared him to open them again.  
There was a hand holding his.  
Gentle fingers cupping his face. Checking his cut.  
"Robert?" He called out.  
Sidney felt the other man's smile even though he couldn't make out his facial features.

"My care is like my shadow. Laid bare beneath the sun. It follows me at all times. And flies when I pursue it" Robert said cleaning the wound before applying some anti septic and a large band aid.  
Sidney looked at him confused, still having troubles to focus on him, remembering the correct lines of the poem they had discovered far to many years down the road in an old book. "My care is like my shadow in the sun. Follows me flying, flies when I pursue it." The words just left his mouth without a second thought. As if he had lost his autonomous system.  
Robert sat down next too him properly before checking the rest of his head for injuries while continuing rather chipper with his version. "I love and yet am forced to hate. I seem stark mute inside I prate. Some gentler love doth ease itself into my open heart."  
Sidneys eyes watered as he had received a heavy blow to the stomach. Images of the war suddenly flooded his mind. Forced to hate they had been, driven to kill others for a national sake. Destined to die either at the enemies hand or mother nature's cruelty. Then there were moments which far to rare; when there was love admits the horror. Them, Robert and him, sharing whatever they had in the trenches; chocolate, alcohol, cigarettes and reminders that they both were made to fulfil each other. Destined for each other ever since that narrow escape at the river. That first faithful kiss sealing it like an old fashioned demon deal.  
Moments that should have been trapped in a time bubble only to be relived time and time again.  
"For I am soft and made of snow. Love be more cruel, or so be kind." finished he.  
"Some gentler passion slide into my mind," Sidney came back to his now reality cupping Roberts face. "For I am soft and made of melting snow; or be more cruel, love, and so be kind. Let me or float or sink, be high or low; or let me live with some more sweet content, or die, and so forget what love e'er meant." Robert took his hand in his before ghosting a chaste , very unlike him, kiss onto his lips before whispering something that sounded like a farewell. "It's time you woke up to find out yourself."  
Then there was darkness.

Cold and wet darkness. A damp cloth had been placed on his forehead.  
Eyelids were heavy. Head was pounding something awful. Every mussel of his body seemed to have gained at least a stone. Mouth was impossibly dry. Slowly but surely he opened his eyes. He was in his room, at least something familiar, but did not remember at all how he got here. He was aware of the rooms to be his but not of the year. There was a black Labrador puppy on the verge of growing up at his feet. Encouraging wagging with his tail the dog let out a wiff, moving upwards him before licking his face in utter joy. "Dickens stop." Sidney cried out when the dog jumped at his chest playful. "Oh goodness me Dickens off you go." The person sleeping in the chair had startled awake. He had short smooth raven hair and really looked much too soft for this world. Sidney sat up, head still pounding and feeling nauseous. The dog had calmed down when he did but still was licking his masters hands. "How are you feeling Sidney?" "Awful." "Would you like a cup of tea? I should go downstairs anyways and rescue your friend from Mrs Ms interrogation." "Who?" Sidney blinked at him.  
"Our Landlady Mrs McGuire and someone who claims to be your friend, Robert if I remember correctly. He brought you here."  
Sidney jumped at the mention of said name out of bed, stumbled and was caught by Leonard. Right that had been his name. "Easy there." He could clearly feel the other man's discomfort in holding him close like this. "I'm sorry Leonard."  
Sidney slowly moved with stabilisation out of the room and downstairs.  
There was laugher from the kitchen to be heard.  
Sidney was holding his head, ready to fall back again.  
Leonard raced after him. "You really should return to bed."  
"I'm fine." "That's what the last vicar said and 6 weeks later dead as a doornail." "Hold on Mrs M said 6 months." "Months weeks the way you look it won't be days." "Leonard you're being overdramatic." Sidney opened the door to the kitchen and almost swooned at that sight. Somewhat sinking against the wall he entered. "Mr Chamber's you shouldn't be up at all!" Mrs M raced over to him, placing him onto a chair in no time with a glance of irritations aimed at Leonard. "I tried my best Mrs M." cried said out before narrowing his gaze sitting down at the table. Sidney was still in a trance. This all wasn't real. I couldn't be real. Could it? Robert, age a bit though very fine indeed, smiled at him across the table. Wickedly as if no time had passed. Sidney wanted to reach out and touch him.  
Meanwhile Mrs M got up to fetch more cups.  
Dylan Thomas undying words of a lost youth came to the young vicars mind as he watched his Robert; 

_Oh as I was young and easy in the mercy of his means, Time held me green and dying.  
Though I sang in my chains like the sea._

Mrs M poured some more tea but the rest of the reunion was all but a blurry mess of Roberts laughter and Mrs Ms sharp snickers.

Sidney had excused himself for a rest but ended up sleeping right through dinner.  
Abruptly sat up in his bed in the middle of the night realising someone was sitting on at the edge of his bed, starring at him. "Shhh Sidney it's me." Roberts soothing voice threw him right back to the night they had spend together in camp after his bath in the icy waters.  
The night they would cherish forever buried deep in the river of Italy.  
"Robert?" Sidney rubbed sleep out of his eyes fighting against the pounding in his head; against his raging heart; the light headed desire to grab him to embrace him to be whole again . "I couldn't sleep. Couldn't think anymore. To have found you alive and well after all this time. Sidney I know you've chosen this kind of life but there surely must be a reason why fate brought us together once again. But say one word and I will disappear."  
But Sidney remained silent.  
And the world continued spinning as he reached out to kiss his and his again

*****************************

Sunday approached with fast steps. Sidney’s condition improved with the eager encouragement of Robert who continued to visit him every night to renew their vows every night. Nightmares which had plagued the young vicar would vanish with every smile cast on those rosy lips full of knowledge not dared to be spoken of. 

Finding the right passage for his sermon was almost too easy.  
There was no full bottle of scotch and Sidney Bechet involved this time either.  
Still drunk as one can be on another man's love his sermon writing muse made his fingers fly over the keys of his typewriter.

(1 Corinthians 13:1-13 Love)  
_Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known._

_And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love._

Sidney couldn't help himself but looking at Robert as he finish his speech far welling his sheep’s.  
Leonard signed love struck. Of course he knew what was up.  
One does know one.  
But today they did not care the future might be vast but there was a blissful happiness in the vicarage of Grantchester.  
And all that mattered now.


End file.
